If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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