You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
