I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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