well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
