Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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