This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
