weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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