She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
