I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
