I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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