Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
