The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
