My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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