No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
