I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
