You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
