Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
