I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
