dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
