yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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