return my video game
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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