I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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