I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I currently don't understand fingers.
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