for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
