I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
