Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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