After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My penis needs a shock collar
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
