you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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