I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
