I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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