i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's official drugs can't kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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