think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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