We're facebook friends in real life
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
