she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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