My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
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His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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