normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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