The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you win again, gameday.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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