there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
