so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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