is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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