ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
