The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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