stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
