We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
