So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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