True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
