you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
