It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
