Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
