fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
