I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
