My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
