I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
