I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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