I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
