i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
