all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Barsexuality is the new black.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
