This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
