i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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