my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
