i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
