i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
