these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
