I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Randomize
