I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
