If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
