I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
