Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
