Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
