I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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