I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i will never coherently bang her
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
