More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
they need to just BURY HIM!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
