yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
