Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
