I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
