there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
