Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
