If i come over, it means nothing
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
