Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
