I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I will be naked everywhere
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
