I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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