I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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