i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
